. . .

Putting aside dreams, hopes, wishes, desires, vision, mission, aim, target, or whatever you call them, let’s see what’s left in you. Nothing. An empty vessel that contains some functional organs, and certainly a brain, but still nothing, as in nothing nothing. Human live on hopes and dreams, and we feed on success, accomplishment and realization of our dreams. As a matter of fact, the will to dream is one of the distinctions that separate our species from animals and plants. If the fuel of a car is petroleum, then the fuel which keeps pushing human forward is a little coherent thing called desire. Fullstop.

Bad Cough, Exams, Home

It’s been a while since I got infected with some sort of bacterium which constantly reproducing(tremendously), invading, intruding, and hacking into my respiratory system. I couldn’t help myself but coughing persistently when i got the feeling of the weird airflow lingering in my throat.

A perfect masterpiece is finished in no time- a bad bad cough. Not a good timing though. How I wish it to occur at least a bit later since I am still struggling(literally) in the examination week. not a single soul who dwells in this wretched world will let the precious remaining marks to be abolished from his sight.

 what more it has came to finals. i cannot let that to happen. to me, if it comes to exams, it’s a war then. this issue is no kick-about. my parents always told me to always be ready to face exams, no matter how petty or pesky the examination is. ok mom. ok dad. all checked. no worries. i’ll be home in one piece.

Words

words are tough to be understood,  to be deciphered

‘cause they are ambiguous , idiosyncratic, filtered

pick a word, and tell me what it means to you

‘cause a word is full of disguises, trickeries, new

a single word is just enough to fill a lonely bosom

with hopes and trust in early blossoms

a single word, in the end, is more than enough,

to corner a heart, intimidated, bluffed

well when you were going to say a word

make it crystal clear as a word                     

since we human do not share the same lexicon

different as they are, since we were born.

MAAFKAN AKU

Verily, in this age, I, for one, do not suit to be a Finder-of-my-Another-Half. I’ve been there, but acted like a daft. She was someone special behind my back. It was 2008 when we were in the verge of Spm back then, when I began chatting with her in YM. Ever since, we kept chatting and texting each other, and eventually I fell in love with her. Maybe she did the same, but a bit later I guess.

She’s a beauty queen, yeah, in her prime I have to admit. Everybody seemed to like her, and loved her. That girl was famous in our school; she’s smart (her marks were always higher than me), all the teachers favoured her and a large bunch of juniors were always talking about her. None of these features resemble me; I’m just an average Joe, far from being a brainy student who would be praised, glorified, or even loved by everybody for his intelligence and genius. I’m thin (yeah, I know, that’s not a big deal). I heard stories about me which kinda gave me gist of what I am in the school for the girls back then: A NERD. Actually, it’s no biggie to address me as a nerd. At least I scored goals for our football team in some tournaments, and it was me who brought the team up to the quarter.

She did great in science and math, but not me. i don’t know where actually gone wrong in my study considering that I was once regarded as a top-notch kid in primary. I was not doing well in the last few years.

There were a few who knew about our budding love, and I felt slightly twisted and bashful about it. Well, there were times where some friends questioned about us, and that’s when my heart tore apart. “Layak ke kau dgn die?” “I think he’s better for her, not you”. Yes. I know goddamnits. I’m not the smart type. I’m just neutral. I’m just a super-normal boy who lives down the street and minds his own business.

Some times passed. My Spm result sucked. I flunked and funked. On the other hand, hers was great and compliments-inviting. My feeling mixed. Should I feel sad or should I feel happy? I chose to smile even though I didn’t get the ‘crowd- fencing-me-for-excellent-results’ like she and some other friends did. Comparing her result with mine, it was ‘bagai langit dengan bumi’. I was about to burst into tears but some bitter smiles from the colleagues who knew my pain calmed me.

Some years passed. She’s still the same she, doing excellent in academic and participated in many activities. That is when she made friends with some boys and i got jealous. i’m sorry. i can’t take out the green-eyed monster in me. seriously, it was eating me from the inside. i’m not pointing the accusing fingers to her. maybe it’s just me who felt so wrong and threatened about that. also, she carved some achievements in her study and co curricular programmes. eventually, she made her way to a practical training(intern) in a big company, while I was still grasping for gravity. i don’t know how should i react and how should i feel. I really despise the situation where my future wife holds a higher position and higher salary than me. I really hate it when my future wife is an extra outgoing person who will talk to everybody.

So, not wanting to love-sacrifice myself, i made up my mind and tell her the truth. i don’t want to mess up my mind thinking about how should i live with her in the future. to whom it may concern, if you are reading this, please know that I’m a new person who just thinks about his career life, his family, and getting away from being inferior towards you. i want to live a happy and blessed life. I hope you will find a nice guy who will love and cherish you every day, not like me. I don’t love you anymore. Trust me, it is all just about me, myself and I. I AM SORRY.

Young Guns

It’s not always wrong to be a gun

Since it’s not meant for mere fun

A mean means to get the job done

Just enough to end an exile on the run

Young guns are bulletful of words

That might gonna sprinkle anytime onwards

Driving away some cowards

Freaking out a handful of bastards

Call them whatever you want;

Pistol, revolver, or magnum

They are still the same, one of a kind

Young guns who should save their bullets for the hard times.

A Knight, A Princess, A Dragon

Oh dear princess was robbed from above the sky

‘swoosh’ descended a dragon and  took her sky-high

 flown to the lair, hidden, far far away, never nigh

so this is where a tall tale started to fly by

Came a loyal knight with a shining blade

striding with velocity ,armour-clad

“I’ll redeem the princess”, to the poignant king he said

and leaving the kingdom, off to a journey he’d never had

He’s that a flamboyant dragoon

riding along the way of the stars and the moon

forth faring his game passing through beasts and typhoon

he believed he’ll get there soon

Dragon’s lair chanced on the top of the mountain, breathless

so where did the dragon hide, and where’s the princess?

the knight sought around the furnace

and found the princess lying restless

The coming of the dragon was foreseen

splashes of fire erupted from its spleen

overwhelmed by the will to win

he stabbed draco dead in the chin

Oh dear princess came blithely in her gown

landing a kiss on his cheek except a frown

"I’d rather be in the dragon’s fire meltdown

than being kissed by the Fire of the Downtown".

How Do I Make My Way

How do you make your way

Through the blazing sun

Down the deathly ravines

Beyond the enemy lines?

                                 

How do you make your way

Passing the obnoxiuos deserts

Taking in dirty daunting dirts

Feigning winds and blizzards?

How do you make your way

Shoving doubtful grunts aside

Up way through without being mortified

Wait for no man, time and tide

How do I make my way?

Well I say

I’d forge a piece of Dream

In the burning fire of Passion

When my Sword of Fortitude is prepared

I shall set forth to the battleground of Fate.