As Sweet as Football

Great. Just great. The football league is just around the corner and I can’t help myself struggling with injury. My right knee’s been called again to the injury list. Merely weeks before the start of my schooling in KL, I was playing futsal with my friends and that’s when the old wound bled again. I went to the masseur whose service had always been the one I looked for. I got some wires tangled in there, the result after conducting some majestic footwork. haha. 

The bones too, are swollen. I hardly moved in that period of fresh injury. I tried to hide it from my parents at first, but the cat was out of the bag as soon as a cousin who paid us a visit noticed about my strange catwalk. I was scolded by my mom, but never mind, I am used to it.

Talking about the football league, I sense a pinch of remorse in me. Had I ignored my friend’s invitation to play on that fateful night, I must have been able to go on training with my teammates every evening starting from the opening of the new semester. The team captain told me his plan to put me up front as striker pairing with some other guy whom I just knew from the previous semester. 

But then again, man proposes God disposes. I could hardly sprint amidst the pitch; or worse I would even not able to dribble pass the opponents, and, not to mention-the worst case scenario that might happen- I can’t shoot accurately and with power given the condition of my right knee. Scoring goals is the job of a striker after all. Our team is not really abound with players who take the role as strikers. So, for the time being, I can say I am one of the top dogs in our team.

Tapi tu lah, lutut aku sakit. Macam mane aku nak main. Oh Tuhan, sembuhkanlah lututku dan berikan aku peluang untuk menikmati manisnya bola sepak, sekali lagi. Amin.

I'm Here Waiting

I am always here waiting for you

Dancing in the growing darkness

Singing along to the tune of duskiness

That was played by the harp of the nights

I am always here watching for you

As you ride along the dusty, insensate road

As you climb the tall fat wall to reload

As you realize it’s not day but twilights

I am here and there for you

Seeking high and low

I paid some visits to say hello

Alack, my presence will ignite frights

I am always here waiting for you

Expecting the ripe moment

To begin my concert of separating and torment.

p/s: who am I? I'm D

Robots,Hearts, Hell

Many a people find it is a must to fall in love since they don’t wish to turn themselves into robots. How do they relate these two things? Robots? Love? Falling in love, again and again, time and again, is it really, intrinsically the nature of man? I mean, is it an utter necessity to have a pakwe/makwe along by your side while you are still, figuratively, do not have a proper grasp onto yourself?

 How about you yourself? -Your financial issue, your job, your everything. Oh, and how about your parents? Your study? I, for one, as a student, does not harmonise with the fall-in-love attitude. not anymore.

For some reasons, I could not help myself but to scorn to the ideology of youngster-but-not-yet-matured love. i’m sorry if my words offended anyone, but seeing this situation really gives me a gist of tasting hell. i could not find a way on how not to feel guilty wasting my parents’ money to buy top-ups, as well as the remorse to top-up more sins.

One more thing, the topic regarding hearts, broken hearts, for example, should not be treated too seriously.

The people who do not have bf/gf are not robots btw. maybe they are still searching the meaning of life, and also to suffice themselves, to make it more sensible and logical to find a mortal love, when the time is right.

 ah. but this piece of writing might just be applicable only to a student like me who still needs to strive for my study. for those who have worked and have already get the grasp of your gravity(already got your source of income and all), fall la in love with suitable person ork. nok ngat fall in love. find one.

p/s: this is not a serious writing, it’s just a casual one. trust me.

. . .

Putting aside dreams, hopes, wishes, desires, vision, mission, aim, target, or whatever you call them, let’s see what’s left in you. Nothing. An empty vessel that contains some functional organs, and certainly a brain, but still nothing, as in nothing nothing. Human live on hopes and dreams, and we feed on success, accomplishment and realization of our dreams. As a matter of fact, the will to dream is one of the distinctions that separate our species from animals and plants. If the fuel of a car is petroleum, then the fuel which keeps pushing human forward is a little coherent thing called desire. Fullstop.

Bad Cough, Exams, Home

It’s been a while since I got infected with some sort of bacterium which constantly reproducing(tremendously), invading, intruding, and hacking into my respiratory system. I couldn’t help myself but coughing persistently when i got the feeling of the weird airflow lingering in my throat.

A perfect masterpiece is finished in no time- a bad bad cough. Not a good timing though. How I wish it to occur at least a bit later since I am still struggling(literally) in the examination week. not a single soul who dwells in this wretched world will let the precious remaining marks to be abolished from his sight.

 what more it has came to finals. i cannot let that to happen. to me, if it comes to exams, it’s a war then. this issue is no kick-about. my parents always told me to always be ready to face exams, no matter how petty or pesky the examination is. ok mom. ok dad. all checked. no worries. i’ll be home in one piece.

Words

words are tough to be understood,  to be deciphered

‘cause they are ambiguous , idiosyncratic, filtered

pick a word, and tell me what it means to you

‘cause a word is full of disguises, trickeries, new

a single word is just enough to fill a lonely bosom

with hopes and trust in early blossoms

a single word, in the end, is more than enough,

to corner a heart, intimidated, bluffed

well when you were going to say a word

make it crystal clear as a word                     

since we human do not share the same lexicon

different as they are, since we were born.

MAAFKAN AKU

Verily, in this age, I, for one, do not suit to be a Finder-of-my-Another-Half. I’ve been there, but acted like a daft. She was someone special behind my back. It was 2008 when we were in the verge of Spm back then, when I began chatting with her in YM. Ever since, we kept chatting and texting each other, and eventually I fell in love with her. Maybe she did the same, but a bit later I guess.

She’s a beauty queen, yeah, in her prime I have to admit. Everybody seemed to like her, and loved her. That girl was famous in our school; she’s smart (her marks were always higher than me), all the teachers favoured her and a large bunch of juniors were always talking about her. None of these features resemble me; I’m just an average Joe, far from being a brainy student who would be praised, glorified, or even loved by everybody for his intelligence and genius. I’m thin (yeah, I know, that’s not a big deal). I heard stories about me which kinda gave me gist of what I am in the school for the girls back then: A NERD. Actually, it’s no biggie to address me as a nerd. At least I scored goals for our football team in some tournaments, and it was me who brought the team up to the quarter.

She did great in science and math, but not me. i don’t know where actually gone wrong in my study considering that I was once regarded as a top-notch kid in primary. I was not doing well in the last few years.

There were a few who knew about our budding love, and I felt slightly twisted and bashful about it. Well, there were times where some friends questioned about us, and that’s when my heart tore apart. “Layak ke kau dgn die?” “I think he’s better for her, not you”. Yes. I know goddamnits. I’m not the smart type. I’m just neutral. I’m just a super-normal boy who lives down the street and minds his own business.

Some times passed. My Spm result sucked. I flunked and funked. On the other hand, hers was great and compliments-inviting. My feeling mixed. Should I feel sad or should I feel happy? I chose to smile even though I didn’t get the ‘crowd- fencing-me-for-excellent-results’ like she and some other friends did. Comparing her result with mine, it was ‘bagai langit dengan bumi’. I was about to burst into tears but some bitter smiles from the colleagues who knew my pain calmed me.

Some years passed. She’s still the same she, doing excellent in academic and participated in many activities. That is when she made friends with some boys and i got jealous. i’m sorry. i can’t take out the green-eyed monster in me. seriously, it was eating me from the inside. i’m not pointing the accusing fingers to her. maybe it’s just me who felt so wrong and threatened about that. also, she carved some achievements in her study and co curricular programmes. eventually, she made her way to a practical training(intern) in a big company, while I was still grasping for gravity. i don’t know how should i react and how should i feel. I really despise the situation where my future wife holds a higher position and higher salary than me. I really hate it when my future wife is an extra outgoing person who will talk to everybody.

So, not wanting to love-sacrifice myself, i made up my mind and tell her the truth. i don’t want to mess up my mind thinking about how should i live with her in the future. to whom it may concern, if you are reading this, please know that I’m a new person who just thinks about his career life, his family, and getting away from being inferior towards you. i want to live a happy and blessed life. I hope you will find a nice guy who will love and cherish you every day, not like me. I don’t love you anymore. Trust me, it is all just about me, myself and I. I AM SORRY.